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UNTITLED
My decision to have this abortion came long before I was able to conceive.
It came with dreams of a house in the "burbs",
a Christian husband who was head over heals in love with me
and my dreams, a wagon load of kids, and what would life be without a bed of
roses?
The decision came with the nightmare of running into the darkness
with a bludgeoned body and a broken heart.
It came with searching for peace of mind
and a quiet affordable place to raise strong men who share the same
surname.
It came in the embrace of a man forbidden to be mine
and a desire to be healed deep inside
and a biology that refused to be controlled as I refused to be controlled,
as I refused to dream in the past, as I refused to let go,
even though there's a nightmare in my rose garden.
It was quite by accident, or quite by fate that I learned of a place
where I could go to put things back in perspective, to give priority of
survival,
revival to the thriving young men who depended on me, looked up to me.
To increase that challenge may have meant the death of us all
I could not come to terms with it...I could not come to term with it.
That day brought with it much grief.
He and I would never agree as to what had to be done.
For him it meant rejection by me, for me it meant rejection of self
but something had to be done.
I was given a little "something" to make me feel indifferent.
What I felt was sacrificial.
And that little clump in the cup
had no name, no future, no form.
But I had to maintain the family name
I had to insure my family's future.
I had to form a new life and a new dream.
- Sylvia Sampson